Storytime... (KISS)

...the twisted little way I have of writing...

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Never Again-That Night toleration

"I don't even want to see your face!" He was screaming into the phone. The noise in the background made it hard for me to concentrate on my homework. It was some stupid calculus problem. I switched to nuclear chemestry because it was an easier subject to follow. Made more sense on some level to me. How some chemicals combined was a mystery to most but I knew there was a pattern from catalyst to catalyst. I just felt it in my gut, and that helped me hone in on a range for the right answer. Doing the work just got the exact answer. "But she's my daughter and you've no right to keep her from me... I'll take you to court if I have to!" The screaming persisted. He knew if he took her to court, he'd loose. Part of the seperation agreement - he had no right to his daughter. Poor Jami caught in the middle of this mess. I almost felt bad for him as he slammed the phone down. Throwing things was his normal expression of anger. No wonder she left him. I almost felt bad for him though. The closest thing he'd ever experienced to love he saw in little Jami's eyes.
It was a soft winter morning and the fresh snow begged to be played with. I could hear his voice in her room saying not to cry the pain would go away. And a day of rump sliding in the snow would make it feel better. She knew better than to cry where people could see. Too many questions led to longer nights in Daddy's arms. He couldn't stand the thought of loosing her and it made him want to love her even more.
"We're going sledding Jami!" I said to her as she came from her room. She took my hand and wouldn't let go. Out the door we went and from hill to hill we laughed and played. Snow-ball fights and snow men, hot cocoa and igloo building. We sat in the little igloo we built and she asked me if I could always stay with her. Having me around made her feel happier she said. "I'm just like Momma," I told her "He's always going to be Daddy but he's never going to think Momma is perfect and maybe I can change the way he acts for a little while, but it'll never go away." She looked up at me with those sad eyes and grabbed my hand tighter. I could see the beginning of a cry. "Cry here where no one can see you if you want to but keep it up and somehow they always know." I pointed to her forehead and told her: "Instead cry here, and the only person that knows will be you. Sometimes you have to hide it and sometimes you have to scream it from the rooftops. Unless you know for sure which is which you should reaally hide it. Daddy will always love you. Even if it hurts how he shows it."
We got back into the house and I was promising to make cookies only if she helped me. Her smile was ear to ear for the moment. He was on the phone again, "I love that little girl and she loves me, More than you do you bitch..." She had obviously pressed one of his buttons as only she could. His voice was quivering with the beginning of a cry. "If that's how it has to be then fine..." He said masking his emotion as much as he could.
It's not really her though, He tolerates her to see his daughter.


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