My Clown, My Love, We're All Fools.

I saw you last night you were plain for once. No bright colours, no make-up, no tools, toys, or objects of distraction. You seemed naked standing there in your Hawaiian shirt and those blue-jeans; I wanted to run to you, I wanted to hug you again, I wanted to protect you from the world this time. You've made me smile, you've given me refuse, your games make me so happy. Here you stand, my broken clown, here you stand; Alone.
The midnight air between us seems as stale as the cigarette smoke in the Hotel sheets. I cannot move I cannot speak. There you stand a sudden stranger, and I feel so lost and alone. And I'm scared.
The passion we just shared and I don't know you.
You're staring at me. You grab your coat. I want to tell you to stay but I cannot stop you from leaving.
The door shuts behind you and and I move. I dress with those stuffed animals we won earlier watching me from the corner. Their gaze gives me shame, and I find you in the parking lot, smoking, pacing, talking alone.
Another cigarette between us over quiet conversation.
You turn to leave, I grab your hand, I know why you don't want to stay. "Believe me Darling..." I say but you turn. "Don't be shameful..." You pull from me and I hold on tight. You flinch and a hand hides your eyes.
...   I hear your tears; And I pull you, my familiar stranger nearer to me, I am holding my own insecurities. I hold myself when I hold you. Your body surrenders and slumps into mine and we slowly sink to the ground. "Hush, Shhh... There, There... Darling... Answer me this, I want to know..." I sigh I know asking is hopeless... she... . You choke on your tears and I hug you to my breast. We're a pitiful sight from the outside but I love you and I don't care. I don't care how it looks, I don't care about sin, I don't care at all about her. "Tell me, do you love me?" I say. You reply, you're shaking "yes." "Do you want me" and the tears we both choke back, we both know that answer, you say "yes." "Will you keep me as your own... as your only?"..."yes." "Then be mine." You shake your head, we fiold into each other, we cry.
Loyalties divided, your heart wants me, but your morals are dedicated to her. I hold you and we cry.
I help you calm down and I help you up and we make our way back to the Hotel. One more night we have together, one more night forever. "I'll follow you anywhere, I'll wait." I say. "Perform, do you tricks, be anyone's clown, I'll wait for you to be my love. I'll be there to keep you from crying."
You turn and we hold each other through the night.
I saw you last night, you were plain for once, you were mine and here you are now. There's a needle in your arm and blood on the floor and the bright colours flood in the flourescent light.
Here you stand dead and alone. Here I stand; Alone.
I drown my sorrows to this day, and I still cry every time I see a clown.