Killing Silence

2AM and I can't sleep.
I miss my teddy bear.
Words floating in and out of my conscious
Like the sun through this hemisphere.
Like life through time.
And I wait on no one to tell me it is ok.
Finally I sit down to write it all down,
Descending words to page, body to grave.
And all I can think of is the gun to his head.
He's so perfect on his knees and crying.
My heart is racing and time has no meaning.
And he walked down the corridor to his own oblivion.
Closing the door with its gentle click,
As he closes his eyes, takes his last breath...
And the trigger is pulled.
I would have given anything to see him
Bleeding there on the floor.
Perfect timing, the sunset,
Makes death and the dawn all seem right.
I don't know why it matters, life.
I saw him die and I ran.
I dream about it now and keep my own silence.
Haven't spoken since it happened.
It keeps playing in my mind.
Like the repetitive tune of a jack-in-the box,
Self-inflicted wound, I keep turning the crank
Over and over in my mind, I pull the handle,
Pulling, pulling, pulling the trigger and ...
Silence.
POP! I startle awake every time
It happens again in my dreams,
The Jack pops up over and over again
I keep pulling that trigger
I Killed him.
My best friend. My only friend.
He was the sunrise to my oblivion.
And I felt satisfied for ending the misery.
His pain was my own.
He asked me a question before it happened,
Did I love him.
I never answered.
I just pulled the trigger for him,
Just like he asked.