Refrigerator edit to under 550 words
ok so I didn't write much recently, but I do have to do some editing on that refrigerator to cut it down under 550 words. Problem is that I like every detail of the story, so this editing took me at least half an hour.
547!!! words.
It was cold and lonely, darkness crept upon her, she was trapped. The body lying next to her, dead still, suddenly shifted and she, paralyzed with fear, began surmounting the obstacle before her. She'd awoken into the cold night air. Trapped in that blanketing feigned security she felt leaving this: this comfort, pleasure, sanctity; was wrong; but she had to go. Indeed the large body rustled at her passing, she’d hoped she wouldn't rouse him, his howling growl of a snore confirmed it to her; she disturbed his slumber but had not woken him. As she picked her way by, one limb at a time moving so gingerly over his carcass, she dreaded what she knew lay ahead for her journey back. She was consoled when she left his hold, by the realization that he'd not noticed her departure. As her bare feet stoked the ground beyond, her body recoiled with a shiver, the scarce threads she wore for him were not good defense against the silent night air. She swiftly departed in the right direction instinctually. His hearing was keen, she knew, and she was still within distance that the sound of a rustle beneath her feat would indeed rouse him. Her eyes adjusted too slowly to the pitch-black, her feet found unforeseen trouble. She cursed the creature as she stumbled to the ground with an audible thud...
He woke, and in the night she could hear him reaching for where she had been. She held her breath and preyed her absence would not be noticed. He mumbled, he murmured, he fell back to sleep.
She scrambled into the darkness, on hands and knees she found the path easily and made her way across a seemingly endless field of black and cold. When she reached her destination, she clawed at the door but found no handle. Frustrated, exhausted, she cursed herself for having allowed it to happen. She preyed for the light to see the way. She needed guidance into the salvation; she needed relief, she needed to find the handle. Collapsing to the floor against the door, she longed for the gentle kind light she knew would not rouse him.
Light she remembered would flow from the refrigerator late at night when her father would get her midnight glasses of milk. She longed for that milk, for that refrigerator... At that moment it occurred to her, the refrigerator! She knew the refrigerator would not rouse him if she cracked the door gently. The room was a mess, more-so in the dark, she cursed herself for it. She eased the fridge door open, being nearby, just enough to see the door handle to the bathroom and she found sweet salvation. Relief achieved she re-entered the room contemplating her journey back to bed and her lover's side. She thought for a moment of how her father would bring her a cold glass of milk in the night when he roused her coming in from work. She poured her lover a glass of milk; her eyes still not adjusted to the night's darkness, she decided to leave the refrigerator door still open for its light, she almost floated back to the bed-side, to set the cup down. She returned to the refrigerator, and the gentle light closed... off.
547!!! words.
It was cold and lonely, darkness crept upon her, she was trapped. The body lying next to her, dead still, suddenly shifted and she, paralyzed with fear, began surmounting the obstacle before her. She'd awoken into the cold night air. Trapped in that blanketing feigned security she felt leaving this: this comfort, pleasure, sanctity; was wrong; but she had to go. Indeed the large body rustled at her passing, she’d hoped she wouldn't rouse him, his howling growl of a snore confirmed it to her; she disturbed his slumber but had not woken him. As she picked her way by, one limb at a time moving so gingerly over his carcass, she dreaded what she knew lay ahead for her journey back. She was consoled when she left his hold, by the realization that he'd not noticed her departure. As her bare feet stoked the ground beyond, her body recoiled with a shiver, the scarce threads she wore for him were not good defense against the silent night air. She swiftly departed in the right direction instinctually. His hearing was keen, she knew, and she was still within distance that the sound of a rustle beneath her feat would indeed rouse him. Her eyes adjusted too slowly to the pitch-black, her feet found unforeseen trouble. She cursed the creature as she stumbled to the ground with an audible thud...
He woke, and in the night she could hear him reaching for where she had been. She held her breath and preyed her absence would not be noticed. He mumbled, he murmured, he fell back to sleep.
She scrambled into the darkness, on hands and knees she found the path easily and made her way across a seemingly endless field of black and cold. When she reached her destination, she clawed at the door but found no handle. Frustrated, exhausted, she cursed herself for having allowed it to happen. She preyed for the light to see the way. She needed guidance into the salvation; she needed relief, she needed to find the handle. Collapsing to the floor against the door, she longed for the gentle kind light she knew would not rouse him.
Light she remembered would flow from the refrigerator late at night when her father would get her midnight glasses of milk. She longed for that milk, for that refrigerator... At that moment it occurred to her, the refrigerator! She knew the refrigerator would not rouse him if she cracked the door gently. The room was a mess, more-so in the dark, she cursed herself for it. She eased the fridge door open, being nearby, just enough to see the door handle to the bathroom and she found sweet salvation. Relief achieved she re-entered the room contemplating her journey back to bed and her lover's side. She thought for a moment of how her father would bring her a cold glass of milk in the night when he roused her coming in from work. She poured her lover a glass of milk; her eyes still not adjusted to the night's darkness, she decided to leave the refrigerator door still open for its light, she almost floated back to the bed-side, to set the cup down. She returned to the refrigerator, and the gentle light closed... off.
posted by Shannon Hollender @ 2:31 PM
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